Thursday, December 2, 2010

P.S. A Cowboy On The Side

I don't know if it will make me feel better to put this out there or not, I confided in a friend yesterday thinking it would help and I only feel worse, but here goes.
My husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years, for the most part we get along, we have awesome sex, but that's not the point.  My husband is a home body, and we have nothing much in common (except for our love of hiking and taking vacations).  He doesn't like any of the same music I do so we don't go to concerts together, I can't get him to slow dance with me in public, and he doesn't like going out with me and my friends.  I've dealt with it and tried to overlook it.
This past weekend I went to my hometown without my husband, he had to work.  We were celebrating my mom's birthday, it was a surprise party.  I met some of my mom's friends for the first time, one of them I felt an instant connection to, we slow danced together and laughed together but I didn't really mean to do anything but have a good time.  I've always been flirtatious, but have never taken it too far.  Well, after a long night of drinking, one thing led to another and I found myself making out with this guy, I caught myself trying to stop it and even reminded him that I was married, but we kept at it, until 4:00am, it was that kind of night.
Now, four day later, it's still fresh on my mind, the sad part is I don't feel guilty, I keep thinking about when I can see this guy again. 
I love my husband, I really do, but there are things he won't do and I'm a social person, it's starting to get to me.  I jokingly asked my husband if I could have a cowboy on the side so that I could have someone else do the things I want to do that he won't.
I didn't have sex with this guy, though I would have had he had a condom, but I'm glad I didn't; however, just our little make out session has  me near tears all week, I want to call him so bad but I know he probably looks at me as a conquest, the married woman who let her guard down.  I know I need to forget about him, I just don't know how to make my husband into the man that I made out with this weekend, or at least feel the way I did that night.