Thursday, December 2, 2010

P.S. A Cowboy On The Side

I don't know if it will make me feel better to put this out there or not, I confided in a friend yesterday thinking it would help and I only feel worse, but here goes.
My husband and I have been married for a little over 6 years, for the most part we get along, we have awesome sex, but that's not the point.  My husband is a home body, and we have nothing much in common (except for our love of hiking and taking vacations).  He doesn't like any of the same music I do so we don't go to concerts together, I can't get him to slow dance with me in public, and he doesn't like going out with me and my friends.  I've dealt with it and tried to overlook it.
This past weekend I went to my hometown without my husband, he had to work.  We were celebrating my mom's birthday, it was a surprise party.  I met some of my mom's friends for the first time, one of them I felt an instant connection to, we slow danced together and laughed together but I didn't really mean to do anything but have a good time.  I've always been flirtatious, but have never taken it too far.  Well, after a long night of drinking, one thing led to another and I found myself making out with this guy, I caught myself trying to stop it and even reminded him that I was married, but we kept at it, until 4:00am, it was that kind of night.
Now, four day later, it's still fresh on my mind, the sad part is I don't feel guilty, I keep thinking about when I can see this guy again. 
I love my husband, I really do, but there are things he won't do and I'm a social person, it's starting to get to me.  I jokingly asked my husband if I could have a cowboy on the side so that I could have someone else do the things I want to do that he won't.
I didn't have sex with this guy, though I would have had he had a condom, but I'm glad I didn't; however, just our little make out session has  me near tears all week, I want to call him so bad but I know he probably looks at me as a conquest, the married woman who let her guard down.  I know I need to forget about him, I just don't know how to make my husband into the man that I made out with this weekend, or at least feel the way I did that night.


  1. hmmm, I don't think you should make you husband into anything other than what he is. You need to either accept him as he is, and love him for that, or accept the fact that he can not give you what you are looking for and end things before you go to far with someone who appears to be everything your husband is lacking. I understand about having separate interests, and how difficult that can be, so I wish you the best of luck!

  2. Wow...that's a tough one. You'll find no judgement here. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

  3. In my honest opinion, granted I am slightly jaded because I was the person who was cheated on, you need to be be upfront with your husband. And either you two can work on things, or call it quits. Just know that he will eventually find out, and well I was glad my husband came to me, and I did not hear from someone else. Good luck, I hope you make the best decision for your family.

  4. I am currently in a very similiar situation. I am not married but have been in a long term relationship for 5 years. We do have a few things in common but there is a 15 year age gap.

    I have been intimate with someone else and I have been tempted to say something to my BF but I think it would shatter him. I have begged and pleaded with him to be more intimate with me but it has been over a month since we had sex.

    I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Just know that you are not the only one in this situation.

  5. No judgment from me. However, if you are not feeling guilty that may mean your heart is not in it with your husband and you need to end it.

    You can't have both.

  6. Imagine if the situation was reversed and your husband was the one step away from sleeping with another woman. If you are OK with that scenario then maybe you should leave your husband.

    Cheating is a choice - no excuses.

  7. No judgement from me either. I am currently in a similar situation, but probably a lot worse as we have slept together. We started this years ago, took a break for 8 years and it has just recently started again like we never didn't see each other for that time. I love my husband dearly, but he doesn't fulfill every need. I hope that you find your answers. I still search for mine everyday. I don't want to crush my husband, but...

  8. I come from a home where cheating happened, again and again. Don't do it. It IS a choice and it's the most selfish one you can make. If you are having distance problems with your husband- talk to him or at least try to work things through first. If you can't do that or you guys can't work it out- then leave. But don't stoop to this level.

  9. Oh please. There is NO excuse for cheating. It's a choice... and an extremely selfish one. You say you love your husband, but really? How can you do something so awful to someone you say you "love"?? What if the situation were reversed, how would you feel about your husband making out with another woman?
    So your husband isn't perfect... I haven't met anyone who IS. Either work through your problems or leave. Your husband deserves better.