Wednesday, November 10, 2010

P.S. I Cried For My Ex-Husband

He's the father of my daughters.
We were married for 7 years. We've been divorced for 8.
Last Friday he told me he's having surgery so we were making arrangements as to visitation times.
I dug a little deeper and he admitted that he has a growth the size of a golf ball on his colon.
He's having part of the colon removed.
He had a biopsy 2 weeks ago but he didn't have the results yet.
They are removing it regardless because of it's size.
I didn't know I'd have such a strong reaction to news like this from him.
It took my breath away.
He was mentally and physically abusive towards me.
I wished him dead on more than one occasion.
Now I know that he is the father of my daughters. They need him.
I need him to be there for them.
Obviously the girls know nothing of this and I have to act like everything is OK.
I don't know how he is coping.
He lives for the girls.
Last night I had a nightmare about him dying and I've been anxious all day.
I can't talk to husband said " GOOD " when I told him.
My sister said..."TOO BAD"
It's ripping my heart out.
My daughters have no idea how quickly their whole world can change.
I still rely on my dad. I'm middle aged.
To lose your dad as a pre-teen?
I can't imagine.

Thanks for letting me get this off of my chest.


  1. Hugs. No matter what your feelings are towards him, it's hard to reconcile them with your feelings towards your daughters, and not wanting them to be hurting.

  2. Spending so many years with someone, your going to have permanent emotion. I'm so sorry he, as well as you and your daughters are going through this. Sending prayers.

  3. You may not be husband and wife anymore...but you'll always be co-parents...and part of co-parenting is caring about that person simply because he is connected to your children. I wish him good luck and health....for the sake of your kids.

  4. You have a connection to him, even tho you are divorced. You and him created those girls. Be there for them.

  5. I agree with Draz! That's part of good co-parenting and CO-parenting is essential for the children involved. There is no fault in your feelings. I hope everything turns out well, I'll pray for him!

  6. I personally don't think it's surprising. You are obviously a good person and someone you once loved is going through a hard time.