I know that sounds harsh but right now it's how I feel.
I HATE the person I have become. I hate that I let it happen and don't have the willpower to change it. I hate that I am cynical and not trusting and have built up this wall around myself. I hate my ex husband for all the shit he has done to me. He is a horrible person. I hate that I look down at my ring finger everyday and see the impression of my wedding rings I will never wear again. I hate that I smile everyday and pretend that everything in my life is ok and I am fine but I AM NOT FINE. I cry every night when I get into bed and pray that it will get better. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore because I am too busy trying to please everyone in my life. I hate that I feel like I am not a good daughter. I am ashamed of not going to college right out of high school and I feel like a failure and that I am stupid. I am mad at my mom for taking out all of her problems on me and making me feel like shit. Is is so hard for you to ask me how I am feeling about my divorce mom? Can you not just ask me that one freaking time when you call instead of telling me about your problems and how I somehow contributed to them? I hate that I have NO ONE to talk to who will just sit there with their mouth shut and let me talk without giving me their opinion on how I could do it better or what to do instead of just listening and giving me a hug like I want. I hate that I feel depressed all the time.