Saturday, October 30, 2010

P.S. I Wish My Stepson Would Turn 18 and Move Out NOW

My stepson has been doing poorly in school for the past several years and I am stressed out that he’s not going to be able to get into college or he’s going to become a 5th year Senior. I have plans to move out of the country in the next few years and I feel that he’s holding me back. If he delays his schooling then it delays my plans. All I want is for him to keep his nose clean and graduate school on time with decent grades and get the heck out of my house. I think our relationship will improve when he is out of the house.

He has been such a big disappointment to me and my husband in the past few years. Low grades. Failing a class. Sitting in front of the computer from morning ‘til night. We took away the computer access and the grades are still the same. I believe he is working on failing more classes as I type this. We’ve given up. There is nothing we can dangle in front of him to motivate him to do decently in school (we have given up the hope for doing well in school. Now we pray for non-failing.) Money means nothing to him. We’ve grounded him. Taken away just about everything he has. Threats don’t work. Talking to him rationally has resulted in nothing. I’ve even spent time with him every day after school going over what work he has and helping him with his homework. That works for as long as I do that and I really shouldn’t need to do this for a nearly 16 year old. No, he’s not remedial. No, he doesn’t have any learning disabilities. He’s just a  brick wall when it comes to school and it’s sad and stressful. I’ve seen my husband yell, cry, lose sleep over this kid and nothing changes.

I feel bad for saying this, but I wish I never had a stepson. I have known him for over 10 years since my husband and I met and have never warmed up to him. Everyone thinks that I love him (and in some ways I’m sure that I do,) but I know I don’t truly truly love him as I do my daughter. She is my life and I love spending all day with her and miss her at night. I can barely stand the few minutes that he speaks to me sometimes. I find when he’s around, I’m not relaxed and my walls are up. I feel if I let my wall down for a minute, he will hurt me again. Either with failing grades or with an (unintentional) insensitive comment. He doesn’t know he’s being insensitive, but he is. He’s a selfish teenager who believes 100% that the world revolves around him and it’s exhausting to be around him.

I love my husband so so  much. I never ever want him to ever read these words or even know that I’ve ever thought them. I am so thankful for this site. Thank you. 


  1. Sounds like you have done so much. Hopefully when he gets older and more mature (and out of the house) you'll have a better relationship. Have you thought of trying to find a good girl for him? My brother was wild child in college - failed 2 semesters, didn't really care about grades - and then met his future wife and everything changed. He graduated with honors and has a great job. I hope you have a happy ending.

  2. I know so many parents who have been in this situation...even our own kids can suck the life out of us every now and then. I hope he passes and I hope your plans happen. Take care.

  3. Believe me even much loved, natural born sons can suck the life out of you during their adolescent years! My son has just started high school this year and I feel constantly at my wits's not their fault really, it's nature. but it takes a lot of patience to cope with. I would think he sounds as though he could do with a bit of support with his school work and you might find that if you can't cope with helping him yourself, perhaps you may find a tutor would take some of the pressure off if you can find the funds for it...Good luck and I hope you can keep your feelings well concealed! xx

  4. Well it's been a couple years since this post. Has he moved out yet? All I can say is that I feel your pain. My stepson is FINALLY moving out today. I am so excited, my wife and I have a two year old son together and I love him unconditionally. But don't have any feelings towards my stepson. All I know is that he thinks he is number one in life. Well it will be a huge dose of reality when he hits boot camp in the Air Force in the next couple days. I also have a step daughter who lives with her Dad. She is no where near as disrespectful as my step son. My relationship with my wife has been put through a lot of strain thanks to the stepson. I want to move back closer to my family and now with him out of the picture I can do that. I can't stand him being around my toddler either. He's hurt my child numerous times out of total negligence. I hope all went well and your step son is out of your life. Because life is too short to be stressed out by step brats.

    1. I envy you Anonymous. My stepmonster turns 17 in 6 months. He refuses to get a job or a licence and I want him out of the house so bad. I had a major blow up with him a few weeks ago about his inablity to look for a part time job so I just said screw it (not worth the aggravation). His room is a mess and it stinks but his mother does nothing about it. She figures it's his space and can live in it how he pleases. My biggest fear is he will turn 18 with no job and his mom will refuse to take matters into her hands. She has already stated that she won't kick her son out. We also have a 3 year old together that I can't stand him to be around either. F@&* me!! I knew I hated the kid when I met him and I should have listened to my instincts. Both my Mom and late Dad can't stand him. My mom told me that this morning

  5. I hear you and feel your frustration!!
    I've a 16 yo step son, abandoned by his mum at 5yo (she lived only 2kms from us but never sees him), my husband has over compensated all this time to a point where this horrid child was bullying my husband, something I put a stop to very early in our marriage. I'll be buggered if I'm going to allow this lazy, rude, unhygienic, spoilt and completely apathetic 16 yo toad bully me or the soft hearted man I married six months ago!!!!
    He is in a special school for adolescents with behavioural issues, and whilst I get the 'my mother abandoned me part', he has had an incredibly loving and way over patient father.
    I cannot stand this boy, I am sick of his disgusting hygeine practices and because of such I'm picking up every cold he brings home, I caught him coughing into his hand then picking up the salt grinder, wash your freaking hands you slovenly little slug and stop making me sick!!!!!
    Btw I've two well mannered decent human being children of my own who had the usual odd teen issue, weren't perfect but have grown into nice young adults, I'm also a qualified therapist who knows full well how to manage such situations and how to advise others in such circumstances. But the lack of hubby willing to do some tough love and 24/7 exposure to such a brat child has finally brought me here to have a good vent as therapeutic practice.
    Over it, had enough of his rudeness and painful presence, grow up and move OUTTA MY HOUSE!!!!